[mks_dropcap style=”letter” size=”52″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#000000″]Y[/mks_dropcap]our boss wants you to listen attentively (not just when they speak). Good listening is critical for building trust, within a team and without. So whether it’s with your boss, a colleague, a customer, partner or vendor, take the cotton out of your ears!

If we were playing baseball, good listening would be first base. To hit a home run, first you need to listen, because there’s no home-run that doesn’t pass through first-base and then remember, act, and follow through. Your listening skills are the foundation for the home run.

How hard could it be? Well, in my experience, easy or hard, good listeners are exceedingly rare. That makes this one of the best ways for you to stand out. Here’s how to polish your listening skills:

1. Give your full attention to the speaker. Stay focused – think about what’s being said. You think many times faster than most people speak, so use the extra time to understand and organize what you are hearing.
2. Don’t interrupt – especially if you are being attacked or there is an emotional charge in the speaker. If you interrupt, the speaker will not ‘feel heard’ and will just repeat again and again.
3. Make eye contact
4. Use good body language – face the person, uncross your arms and legs, lean slightly forward and avoid fidgeting with hands or feet.
5. Reflect back on what you’ve heard – paraphrase like this: “So you’re saying that…” and then ask if you got it right: “Have I got it?”
6. Encourage the speaker to tell more – say: “Oh?” and then stay quiet. Learn to accept and appreciate a little bit of silence in a conversation even if it’s uncomfortable for you at first.
7. Avoid conversation blockers. Here are 7 different ways of taking the wind out of someone else’s sail. They invalidate the feelings of the person speaking and will make sure the speaker doesn’t feel heard. These are trust breakers:

• • Opinion giving – ex: “Don’t worry about him, he wastes everyone’s time and no one pays attention to what he says, trust me.”
  • Criticizing/judging – ex: “You’re still working on that? You’re such a perfectionist! I don’t see how you’ll ever get anything done at that pace.”
  • Preaching – ex: “You shouldn’t let anything distract you – you should really manage your time better.”
  • Fixing – ex: “You tell him to mind his own business. If he doesn’t, I’ll have a talk with him.”
  • Comparing – ex: “You did what? This never happened with John, he never made any mistakes.”
  • Denial – ex: “I know you don’t mean that. You couldn’t possibly feel that way.”
  • Change the focus to yourself – ex: “That’s great! I remember when I won the spelling bee in second grade and…”

Can you see that there are endless ways to screw up as a listener? Conversation blocking is really much easier and more natural for most people than good listening is. How many times have you been distracted in a restaurant or an airplane by someone talking too loudly who won’t let his conversation partner say three words? That’s human nature, but we can do better.

Best advice for changing your listening habits?

1. Understand attentive listening is a precious gift you can give at any moment, a gift that will enrich your relationships and your life.
2. Assume you are not the smartest person in the room and try to learn something new from everyone you meet.

Are you a parent? There is a great book for teaching listening skills to your kids: Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids by Naomi Drew.  Highly recommended.

Get the ebook! If you liked what you read here, and think you may want to refer back to this guide later, grab the Kindle version – we’re hoping you’ll thank us with a five-star review on Amazon if you found this material helpful. The ebook also includes our job search guide.

For comprehensive advice on the entire job search process, read our complete guide to landing a job at a great company or visit our career advice hub.

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[mks_dropcap style=”letter” size=”52″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#000000″]N[/mks_dropcap]o one knows better than a boss that everyone makes mistakes. But not everyone handles them the same way. When you make a mistake, your boss will be watching you closely and asking himself these questions:

Am I dealing with someone who:

1. learns easily from mistakes or repeats them endlessly?
2. tells the simple truth or creates confusion to hide behind?
3. sincerely accepts responsibility or just tells me what I want to hear?
4. really hears and understands me?

Your boss will consider the cost of your mistakes to be part of his investment in you. It’s a cost of doing business. Your job when you report a mistake is to convince your supervisor that his investment is a good one. You can do that by following this checklist:

1. report your mistakes early so your boss doesn’t find out about them from someone else
2. apologize without assigning blame to others and without sounding defensive
3. do whatever you can to correct your mistake and do it quickly
4. show you thought about what led to your mistake
5. summarize and say back to your boss his message to you, for ex: “I hear you saying that this was a costly mistake for the company at a time when…” and then
6. commit to not making that mistake again and explain how you will avoid it

Fully accepting a mistake, making repairs and avoiding repetition is extremely difficult. Maybe one of the most difficult things in life. And that’s one of the few advantages you have in this situation — your boss knows how hard it is. So do it right and you’ll show what you’re made of. If you’re lucky, you may just come out ahead!

Get the ebook! If you liked what you read here, and think you may want to refer back to this guide later, grab the Kindle version – we’re hoping you’ll thank us with a five-star review on Amazon if you found this material helpful. The ebook also includes our job search guide.

For comprehensive advice on the entire job search process, read our complete guide to landing a job at a great company or visit our career advice hub.

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So the statistics are daunting: 1 job for every bazillion applicants.

Sometimes really feels like it, huh?

With the competition being what it is, doesn’t it make sense to do a little research and actually apply for jobs you want? Seriously, why waste the company’s time (and other candidates’ prospects) by possibly getting to the interview stage for a gig that doesn’t even resonate with you? Yeah, we all need to make money, but by looking at your values – the big ones and the minor stuff – it should ultimately affect to which jobs you apply.

What about morale? Whether it’s strong-arm tactics telling you when you’ll take vacation, or learning a retiring employee was given nothing in regards to a send-off – these “little things” will make you feel crappy in the long run. And few workplace stressors are more damaging than feeling like no matter how hard you work you’ll never get ahead. That feeling of hopelessness can be especially prevalent amongst women and minorities who have dealt with a history of wage gaps, underrepresentation, and discrimination in the workplace.

Do they care about diversity in the workplace?  What about recruiting for diversity? Thankfully, more and more watchdogs are now in place, and would-be employees can (and should) do their homework by reviewing companies’ histories. DiversityJobs.com publishes its Top Employers for the year, DiversityInc. promotes the DiversityInc Top 50 Companies For Diversity each year, and it’s easy to find experiences from current and past employees on Glassdoor. As a potential employee it isn’t enough to know that the job offers a competitive wage and health benefits; what are your opportunities for growth and success?

You can gain valuable clues about a company in surprising ways…

Does the company recycle? Or do they pretend to recycle, yet ultimately throw everything in the regular dumpster out back? (Yes there are companies that do this and you would be shocked by who they are). Do you even care? Well you should, even if you don’t care about being green – because a company that goes to the effort of pretending to recycle, yet doesn’t – is full of shit. This company is also habitually wasting time trying to fake people out (Read: Inefficient) and the company obviously doesn’t value your time, either. Next!

Think it doesn’t matter? Think again. Because if you’re reading this then you aren’t the kind of person who’s going to be content merely scraping by for a paycheck. Sorry, Bud – but you’re wired to want to make a difference. So do your homework and find out who – and what – is right for you. Look at your values and where you can imagine seeing yourself in 5 years; not the cheesy textbook answer you’ve planned for your would-be boss, but the real answer. Because believe it or not, it’s not all about the money. To ensure long-term happiness and fulfillment in the workplace you’re going to need to feel as if you make a difference and you’ve got a future. Go to the effort of learning as best as you can whom you’re hoping to work for.

Can’t find the answers? Ask. There’s a reason they call it an Inter-view.

For comprehensive advice on the entire job search process, read our complete guide to landing a job at a great company or visit our career advice hub.

[mks_dropcap style=”letter” size=”52″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#000000″]A[/mks_dropcap] truly savvy boss will not hire you if you have a big ego. If somehow you got the job, you’ll lose it eventually when your boss wakes up. Because, when your ego is in charge, you suck as an employee, teammate, job seeker, parent, friend, partner, lover or whatever it is you’re doing.

A big ego makes you defend, justify or rationalize when you shouldn’t. It makes you fight, manipulate or hide from challenges. It makes you arrogant and erratic. It prevents you from hearing and recognizing the truth — and from learning.

Bosses have been on the lookout for bad behavior ever since a Stanford professor wrote a popular essay for Harvard business review about The No Asshole Rule and followed it up with a book on the same topic. Other bosses set the bar higher with ‘the hallway test‘. We ask ourselves “Will I enjoy bumping into this person in the hallway or want to pretend I’m too busy to chat?”

A wise boss will know a big ego is a symptom of low self-esteem – that your real issue is fear. Fear that you will be discovered to be weak, incompetent, unlikeable, unreliable or anything else you were taught as a child. But, your parents are only partly to blame. They may have planted the seeds long ago, but it’s negative self-talk that perpetuates fear.

Taming your ego is difficult to do, but it can be done. You can start by talking to yourself in healthy ways – calming, supportive and loving ways (also called affirmations).  You can tell yourself things like:

• I do my best and that’s good enough
• I have what I need and I’m okay
• I can handle this, I’ll figure it out
• I accept what I can’t control and accept things as they are already
• I’ve always benefited from overcoming a challenge
• I’ll learn something valuable from this
• I love myself and take good care of myself
• I’m proud of myself for _________

Sound corny? So be it! I’ll take corny any day over negative self-talk like this:

• I’m such an idiot
• he’s such an idiot
• this is horrible, I can’t cope
• I always screw up
• I can’t believe this is happening to me
• people don’t like me
• I’ll never get better
• I never get things right
• I’m not bright enough

Talk like that and you sow the seeds of your eventual destruction (or just a dysfunctional life and career). So next time you hear one of those, tell yourself “STOP”, picture a big red stop sign, and replace it with something healthy and nurturing. Be good to yourself! Your boss will notice the difference.

For comprehensive advice on the entire job search process, read our complete guide to landing a job at a great company or visit our career advice hub.

Get the ebook! If you liked what you read here, and think you may want to refer back to this guide later, grab the Kindle version, while it’s just $0.99 – we’re hoping you’ll thank us with a five-star review on Amazon if you found this material helpful. The ebook also includes our job search guide.

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[mks_dropcap style=”letter” size=”52″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#000000″]W[/mks_dropcap]e all bring habits formed in childhood to work with us, some helpful, others not! Interrupting can be one of the most dangerous to your career. Whether you like it or not, when you interrupt someone, you are sending one or more of the following messages:

1. my time is more valuable than yours
2. you don’t know what you’re talking about
3. what you are saying is unimportant
4. I want to be in control
5. I’m impatient
6. I’m not a listener
7. my emotional control is limited
8. my situational awareness is limited
9. my potential is limited
10. it’s all about me

Yes, there are times when it’s appropriate to interrupt. In many circumstances, it may be perfectly reasonable for your boss to interrupt you for reasons one through five.

But, it’s not okay for you to interrupt your boss, a customer, or a hiring manager in a job search interview for any of those reasons.

Yes, some people talk a lot. Sometimes you need to interrupt to do your job. Practice interrupting politely. Say the person’s name, reflect back what you just heard and then move the conversation in a new direction. For example:

“Santa, I hear you saying that we need to build more Jack-in-the-Box’s  because kids love them — and I want to… but the thing is, we need more little metal boxes, so if you can help us find more we’ll get right on it!”

When you can do this skillfully and your situational awareness is high, then by all means, interrupt when necessary. Just make sure you know when and why you interrupt, that you are choosing to do so instead of interrupting habitually and/or for the wrong reasons. Know yourself, know the risks and balance them.

Get the ebook! If you liked what you read here, and think you may want to refer back to this guide later, grab the Kindle version – we’re hoping you’ll thank us with a five-star review on Amazon if you found this material helpful. The ebook also includes our job search guide.

For comprehensive advice on the entire job search process, read our complete guide to landing a job at a great company or visit our career advice hub.

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[I]n my company instant messaging dominates. It’s a powerful communication tool but also dangerous if you suck at it. It’s dangerous because when you IM me, you’re interrupting my workflow. If you do it well (and for the right reasons) I’m glad you wrote to me. If you do it badly or for the wrong reasons, I resent the disruption and wonder if I hired the wrong person.

You’re under the microscope whenever you send an instant message. Fortunately, it’s easy to rock IM. Below are a checklist and 11 real examples from my message flow.

1. Begin with the general context  – I’m not a mind reader and don’t know what you were thinking about 30 seconds before writing to me! For example:

BAD:

“Eric, do you have a target date in mind for applications?”

GOOD:

“Eric, for that scholarship program we discussed yesterday – do you have a target date in mind for applications?”

2. Include a link to whatever you are referring to. Do it every time you want me to look at a webpage – even if you think I clearly have the page open and just need to refresh it. Do it every time. For example:

OK:

“fixed”

GREAT:

“http://justjobs.com/academy/dont-suck-at-e-mail/ -> fixed”

3. Use a real-life example. If a picture is worth 1,000 words, give me a picture! Or screenshot. For example:

BAD:

“should I just include the title of the interviewee or also a little description, like when you say Administrative Supervisor for the RN interview?”

GOOD:

“http://careerconfessions.ning.com/forum/topics/certified-nursing-assistant -> how does the title look to you? should I add ‘- Administrative Supervisor’ at the end?”

4. Copy and paste an important conversation to other people or other places. If we talked about something that involves other people and they need to know, e-mail them a copy of our conversation. If our conversation related to an issue documented on a wiki, forum or project management system, copy and paste into that location. Or, if it’s something entirely undocumented that needs to go on the record, get it done!

5. Assume I never saw your IM, if you didn’t get a response. Try again or try e-mail.

6. Don’t stream out your words in little chunks and don’t wait for me to write back with “Hi” before you give me any information. If you need me to be there waiting and hanging on your words, you look inefficient and inconsiderate. For example:

BAD:

“hey Eric” (waits for me to respond)
“regarding that nursing article” (now starts writing again)
“do you think I should accept it as is?” (and starts writing again before I can respond…)

GOOD:

“Eric, regarding that nursing article do you think I should accept it as is?”

7. Use IM for time-sensitive communication and/or know the preferences of your coworkers. Be extra judicious sending IM outside standard work hours. If you send me an IM at 9 PM, I expect it to be an emergency (unless I’m waiting for an update on something I’ve asked you for).

8. Turn on archiving and don’t ask me the same question twice. Look up the answer in your logs if you can’t remember. If your instant messaging program doesn’t have a searchable log, use pidgin instead.

9. Summarize at the end of an involved conversation. For example:

OK:

“got it, thanks, talk to you later”

GREAT:

“So to summarize Eric,  you want to order all the new hardware this quarter with the exception of the two Xeon chips, right?”

10. Copy and paste the question you are answering (or the comment you are responding to). If more than one question has been asked or the question was asked some time ago in the conversation, don’t make me guess what you’re answering. For example:

OK:

“put ‘

‘ before the code and ‘

GREAT:

“how do you format the code when you Post on BaseCamp? -> put ‘

‘ before the code and ‘

Bonus: Ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no. Frame your questions so you’ll understand my answer if I respond with one or two words. I might be writing back to you from my phone, so make it easy for me to answer. For example:

BAD:  

“Is it okay if I give her Horacio’s interview or do you prefer to publish it on ezine?”

GOOD:

“Is it okay if I give Horacio’s interview to Gaby?”

Get the ebook! If you liked what you read here, and think you may want to refer back to this guide later, grab the Kindle version – we’re hoping you’ll thank us with a five-star review on Amazon if you found this material helpful. The ebook also includes our job search guide.

For comprehensive advice on the entire job search process, read our complete guide to landing a job at a great company or visit our career advice hub.

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When your e-mail sucks, it gets skimmed and deleted or ignored. Here’s how to do e-mail right. If this checklist is too long for you, hit the first three and you’ll already be way above average.

1. Use the subject line! Put 2 to 7 words in it that summarize your reason for writing. If I’m searching for your e-mail, the keywords you put in the subject line will help me find it and will set it apart from other e-mails from you if we e-mail each other frequently. Preface your subject with FYI if appropriate which tells the recipient no response is necessary.

2. Write three sentences only, most of the time. If one of those sentences is a question, make it the last sentence. Don’t ask more than one question. Three sentences is most important when you are starting a conversation. It shows you value your time and won’t squander it writing long passages about something I don’t care about, am not interested in or have not asked for. It shows you value my time also. It shows you understand that teamwork and communication is a conversation where the ball bounces back and forth between us with rhythm – like a game of ping-pong. Know that the longer your e-mail is — the more likely I am to postpone reading and replying. Your long e-mail is like a basketball pitched across the ping-pong table. It sucks.

3. Use a signature with your contact information! If you make me hunt for that information, I dislike you already. It takes 5 min. to set up and shows you have a little concern for me and the ability to have your computer do what you want it to.

4. Spellcheck! And, if you are writing a critical e-mail, print it before sending it and read it out loud. You will catch any and every mistake that way.

5. Reply to important e-mails quickly. If you can’t provide a substantive answer immediately, acknowledge you received the e-mail and say you will write again as soon as you can.

6. Give a heads up using IM or VM, when you send an important e-mail. If you send me an e-mail you consider urgent or unusually important, give me a heads up in some other medium to make sure I’m on the lookout for your e-mail. I prefer instant message, but you need to know your boss’s preference (cell phone, text message, etc).

7. Write again, if you don’t receive a reply. Checking to see if I’ve received your e-mail is not a nuisance – it shows you take responsibility for driving results and make no excuses. It shows you understand that I may receive a high volume of e-mail or have my attention splintered in many directions and need your assistance.

8. Use the phone if e-mail isn’t working. Please don’t tell me you haven’t received a reply to the e-mail you sent to so-and-so. Just pick up the phone. It shows you know that e-mail is just a tool and not everyone’s favorite, that you get the job done using whatever tool works best under the circumstances.

9. Take control of your e-mail client by learning keyboard shortcuts and filtering. This shows you understand efficiency with e-mail matters (it’s at the center of most jobs today).

10. Understand your boss’s preferences for what goes on e-mail versus IM and Intranet/wiki/project management system. Ask your boss about preferences for who should be cc’ed about what. You don’t want to be that guy that insists on wasting everyone’s time copying others unnecessarily.

Bonus points – never use an attachment when there is no compelling reason to do so. Attachments suck! Instead of copying and pasting information into an Excel spreadsheet or Word document, just paste right into an e-mail whenever possible.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to remove.

— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

For comprehensive advice on the entire job search process, read our complete guide to landing a job at a great company or visit our career advice hub.

Get the ebook! If you liked what you read here, and think you may want to refer back to this guide later, grab the Kindle version – we’re hoping you’ll thank us with a five-star review on Amazon if you found this material helpful. The ebook also includes our job search guide.

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Thanks to Beef Wellington for music clips (Fran C) and to Mark O’Sullivan for inspiration!